Swinger’s clubs have, shall we say, something of a reputation to the general population. Middle-aged couples grinding at each other or making awkward conversation over ill-fitting lingerie and vodka tonics. Single swing adventures that involve sleazy operators, cheap lubes. Basically, the kind of place that would like to be inhabited by extremely fuckable twenty-somethings acting like they’re in a Snoop Dogg video, but aren’t.
However, I am always up for a challenge and the threat of something new. In my continuing journey to learn more about my sexuality and what really works for me, I decided to take a detour after an evening with some friends and visit my local swinger’s club.
Single Swing Stories…
In my late twenties and with a body that had come out of voluptuous and was now in the athletic camp, I vainly figured that I could have my pick of ladies interested in trying something new, possibly even a couple or two. As with all such adventures that are coated with preconceptions, the reality is neither what one worst-case-scenarios or hopes for.
I guess the big lesson for me was that women don’t seem to do touching. I’m pretty outgoing (but, I hope, not to the point of annoyance) and met one or two women there as part of couples who seemed really nice and rather attractive. I wasn’t looking for sex, but certainly some interaction beyond talking about how nice the atmosphere was.
In my mind, women who attend swinger’s nights would be at least bi-curious and interested in other women, but reflectively I can see that doesn’t need to be the case at all. Prejudice clouding judgement on my part once again.
Their menfolk on the other hand, were far more forthcoming. Not to the point of feeling harassed, but certainly the wandering hands didn’t seem to get the message that just because I’m sitting near to them isn’t an open invite.
Hmmm… No more lines of consent when swinging?
Thinking about it, it’s funny how the lines and borders of consent get, maybe not blurred, but distorted under the lens of swinger’s parties. At the time I had no real issue with the wandering hands beyond a mild annoyance that they weren’t getting my non-verbal hints (hand on thigh, hand picked up and taken off thigh. Hand goes onto other thigh…). Afterwards, I felt, not violated, but a bit unhappy that they had assumed that because of where I was, I was gropable.
Now with the benefit of a few weeks to mull the process over, I’m still unhappy but feel that in my desire to be Good, Giving and Game I may have subconsciously put myself out there as being interested in experiences that I really wasn’t too fussed about. A certain level of self-awareness and guile is required to feel truly comfortable and able to draw your own lines when naked with six strangers in a sauna.
Tips For a Single Swinger
So, what can I offer as advice for a single woman wanting to explore this environment? Please note, this is just my tuppen’orth, based on a couple of nights in one location. I’ve had a little while to reflect and consolidate, and your experience could be wildly different. If it is, I would LOVE to hear from you!
Expect to be quizzed. This happened to me a lot. Where I was from. What I did for a living. What I was doing there. What was I into. It started to get quite invasive after the first three interrogations (and on one occasion it DID feel like an interrogation, with the gentleman in question becoming almost aggressive when I told him it was none of his damn business what I did for a living). How much of that was down to nervousness on the part of the questioner, an attempt to break the ice with a jackhammer, or whether some people are of the opinion that if you’re single, female and in that environment you are going to be totally open about everything you are, I don’t know. But go with a firm idea of what you want to reveal about it, and stick to that line.
Stay sober. I don’t drink a lot normally (any more), but I made a decision at the start of ‘The Adventure’ not to wake up regretting anything from the night before, and the best way to do that is to keep full control of the faculties. I was offered plenty of drinks (at one point, almost ordered to drink) but turned it all down. Peeing every half an hour as a result of constant drinks of water and cola is a small price to pay for knowing exactly what’s going on and who it’s going on with. No matter what happened that night, knowing that I was making the decision, not the several beers imbibed, made the night much better.
Remain assertive, even with yourself. Know what you want from the evening. Clothes on? Underwear? Three-way? Don’t bow to any pressure, either external or internal, to go further than you feel comfortable. There was part of me that felt hey, you’re here, you’re Adventuring, you should be doing X. Go get ‘em! If you’re anything like me, there’s a certain desire to be seen to be absolutely, 100% out there and accepting of everything. Squash that if it’s going to put you in a situation you might not like. at one point I felt like I should be fucking someone I didn’t really like the look of that much, because of where I was and what I was doing (being naked). I didn’t, and I’m not regretting it.
Would I go again? Hmm. I did have fun one night I went, and came away feeling satisfied, both physically and mentally. Having broken that barrier and really experienced that scenario was liberating and fun, dammit!
However, it also made me realize that I’m really not looking for a “couple experience”, at least not a vanilla one with a straight couple. Still, I know a lot more now than I did a few weeks ago, and experience is always something to be appreciated.