How To Get A Good Dick Sucking

I gave my date a good dick sucking the other night, right before he said something that stuck with me: “Guys just don’t get why their ex-wives are willing to suck my dick even though they wouldn’t give a blow job for years when they were married.” This same man was married for thirteen years to a woman who refused to suck his cock. He knows why. I know why. Do you?

Here are some of my PMs:


Dear Rotten Girl

As a married man whose wife won’t suck cock, what is the best way to find a random blow job? The last time my cock was in someone’s mouth was 2009, so I’m trying to fix that with some random person.


Dear Rotten Girl

I’m well endowed down there and for that reason I can never get a good dick sucking. What can I do to get more head?



Thank you for your excellent questions. I’ve heard from many, many men over the years who are experiencing the same phenomenon in their homes, so I trust that this is a pretty big issue. While I’m definitely a Craigslist aficionado (and I do love giving great head), I have never been married—so I do not have experience with that piece of the question.

I do have some opinions on the matter, however, and I will try and do my best with all aspects of your question.

As is the case with a lot of issues regarding sex, there is an easy route to getting what you want, and there’s a more difficult path. The journey is up to you.

Let’s start with the easy way first, shall we?


The Easiest Way to Get Head

The most expedient way to get a blow job, is to offer to buy one. Post an advertisement on Craiglist, put some dollar signs in your subject line, take a picture of yourself (face and or torso is best) and mention that you enjoy being generous.

You can also answer ads on the back pages. That way, you can pick and choose among the plethora of sex workers out there who would be more than happy to help you.

For some men there’s a stigma around buying sex—but there shouldn’t be. If what you really want is to have your cock sucked by a random person—and that’s all you want—go out and find the working girl or dude who appeals to you. Personally, I think that’s the easiest method available.


Getting A Good Dick Sucking How-to

Presumably, you prefer to have a sexually adventurous woman like me lick your dick, though, right? That, dear Dry Bone, will take more of an effort on your part.

First off, I recommend that men who are unwilling to pay for sex should answer advertisements instead of post them. I’ve responded to a few men in the past, but I’ve been sorely disappointed just about every time, so now if I’m horny I just post a Craigslist ad myself. There are some things you must know before you try this method.

Remember that women receive about 300 responses in 30 minutes and need to sift through them; plan on being patient. Make your response stand out by following her directions to the letter, being articulate, and including a recent picture of you looking your best (do not send a cock shot unless she asks for one). If you are going to respond to more than one advertisement, I encourage you to copy and paste the ad in your response so you have it to refer to later. It will be deleted from Craigslist almost immediately and lost if you do not do this. Do not just copy the link.

If you are in your 40’s or 50’s, respond to women who are roughly the same age. If you are overweight, pick a bigger chick. In other words, do not try and go for the hottest woman out there unless you can deliver the goods yourself. If you require a babe—and you are not an extremely hot professional baseball player or firefighter, for example—be prepared to pay for it. Otherwise, find a woman who is on the same scale as you in terms of looks. This may sound superficial, but it’s reality.

While there may be a few women out there who only want to suck a random dick or two, most of us are looking to have our sexual needs met. In other words, it’s about what she wants—not what you want. Be prepared to get fucked, lick some serious pussy, penetrate an asshole, and buy her a few drinks or dinner. She may need to get to know you before she’s willing to pull the trigger. This takes time, patience, money, and class. You cannot rush this shit. Follow her lead, wait for her to talk about the sex piece, and win her over so that she wants to go down on you.

Tricks for Getting More Women–Including Your Wife–to Suck Your Dick

No one wants to feel coerced into sucking a dick—including your wife. That’s right, Dry Bone, now for the difficult leg of your journey. Let’s talk a bit about why it is your wife is not sucking your cock.

Presumably, you would not marry a woman who refused to suck dick ever. Now, I know you boys love marrying good girls, and some of you are even stupid enough to marry each other as virgins, but my gut tells me that your wife has blown your brains out at least once.

Since then . . .

She may have found Jesus.

She may have found another dick to suck.

She may have found out she’s a lesbian at heart.

I’m going to bet that none of these apply to your situation, however. Rather, you and she have grown accustomed to a pretty sedentary, comfortable routine where your lives intersect around shared expenses, raising children, and television viewing. Otherwise you live separate lives.

Am I right?

The key to getting your wife to suck your cock is to take a break from your habits. Turn off the fucking TV and invite her to take a walk to go get ice cream or take the dog to the park. Hold hands. Flirt a little. Get your mind off of your cock—focus on enjoying time with her in your clothes first. Try and do this at least one night a week. Go alone if you have to, but make getting out of the house for some fresh air a priority.

Take a good, cold, hard look in the mirror. Are you as good looking as you used to be? Starting with your feet, take stock of every inch. Go to a salon for a pedicure (no polish is fine). While you are there ask about waxing. Get that hairy back, balls, and eyebrows under control. Who cuts your hair? Splurge on a new haircut—or if your hairline is inching back—shave your head. The stylist at the expensive salon—no Great Clips this go around—will know what will work best for you and your head. Buy the fucking products the stylist recommends and treat your wife to a gift certificate for no reason except because you want to make her smile.

What about your waistline? Baby steps first, but you need to take care of that too. If you are a couch potato, start by walking. If you are already active, pay closer attention to your diet. If you have six packed abs—and I’m way out of line—congratulations.

It’s time to open your closet. Throw away anything that doesn’t fit. Buy some expensive shoes and wear them to places other than just the office. Look at the men you know who seem pulled together at your age and buy things that work for them. Take off that baseball cap when you go out with your wife. Do not wear sneakers unless you’re working out. Include a dash of color in your wardrobe. Magazines can be a useful resource if you’re not sure what’s stylish. So are sales associates at department stores. Let that faggy guy at the fancy store dress you—he knows what he’s doing. Buy at least one item that you would not normally wear.

Still Reading?
All of this is still the easy part. You and I both know that. The hard part is talking to your wife about what’s going on in your marriage. Once you open that Pandora’s Box, there’s a good chance the two of you will decide to go your separate ways. I get that. I’m sorry.

Start by telling her that you love her. Tell her that you want to be happy with her and that you’re willing to make an effort to make her happy too. Listen to what she says. Let yourself cry. Let your guard down. Let her walk away and gather her thoughts if she needs to—but set a date to resume the conversation. Be firm about this. Do not let her off easy. Do the work it takes to get to the place where it’s not work anymore.

Wounds may take a little while to heal after this, but if you stay away from rigid daily routines, pay attention to looking and feeling your best, and put some energy into loving your wife no matter how difficult that may be—my bet is that she will pop that cock back into her mouth with pleasure.

I know I would.



Category: Sex
Uploaded By: Rotten Girl
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