Self Service 101 – How To Get An Orgasm As A Woman

Wondering how to get an orgasm as a woman without depending on anyone? I started masturbating when I was 18, and it took me months to figure out how to orgasm, and many more months to get good at it. I read many different sex blogs looking for a solution. Wow, there were a lot of candles and bubble baths.

Women are advised to take it slow. So slow it involves a bubble bath first. With scented candles of course – a woman can’t orgasm without the smell of pine – and maybe some nice relaxing music.

Once a woman has had her relaxing bubble bath, she’s allowed to go to bed. No, not to wank. You think you get orgasms from wanking?

She has to “sensually explore her body”. A woman sensually exploring her body is advised to spend about 3 days caressing her nipples. All with more scented candles and music relaxing of course.

Sure, touching your body in random places doesn’t really do that much, same as tickling yourself doesn’t really do much, but that sex blogger told you to do it, so DO IT!

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After you’ve given your nipples a good prod and you’re truly relaxed and totally feeling that pine-y aroma, you can finally TOUCH YOUR LADYGARDEN. Sorry, EXPLORE YOUR LADYGARDEN. You always have to explore. You can’t just let your finger make its way to the clitoris, or wherever it fancies making its way to, and just rub or press or stroke away.

So get exploring. You might discover a new continent or root vegetable. And yeah, watch out for pirates. And then, I think, orgasms are meant to happen. I’m not sure…

This information, whether on an advice site or on a newspaper or magazine, always seems to be a bit vague. It’s all about the bubbles.

But, from all the articles I’ve read over the years, washing your wetness away in the bathtub, boring yourself to death with endless underwhelming thigh stroking just to finally make your way down to your labia is not the way to go.


How To Get An Orgasm As A Woman


There’s some good advice out there too. But quite often even the better, less prudish sources of information went for the lazy, copy-and-pasted, almost genitalia-free but plenty of bubble baths option when it came to the topic of masturbation.

I don’t know why.  A fear of upsetting more delicate readers, who might not want to be reminded of the fact they have a vulva? Or is it embarrassment writing about the topic and admitting that women quite like sexy stuff too?

In the world of shit women’s magazine agony aunts, a woman certainly never just takes off her clothes, lies on the bed with her feet in the air, shoves a rabbit inside her, grunts and leaves a puddle. How unladylike!

Maybe it’s just difficult for a writer who can orgasm easily, or averagely, to imagine what it’s like to find it difficult, or to have no idea where to even begin.  But still, the vulva is probably a better place to start than the bathroom. And while everyone’s different, we’re not that different afterall.

How about telling women some of the most popular ways of playing with a clitoris or vagina, without a bubble bath first, and, hell, suggest good old exploring as a way of finding some more?

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The only technique that got mentioned fairly regularly seemed to be using a showerhead.

Advice sites just love plumbing. It’s one way of masturbating that does seem to be popular with a lot of women, but also potentially uncomfortable, if the temperature suddenly changes, and, like the bubble bath, it is one that washes all lubrication away, which makes things tricky if the woman decides to masturbate, or ‘explore’, another way afterwards.

Plus, it can take a woman a long time to reach orgasm, especially the first time: think of the bloody water bill!  Female masturbation is an environmental catastrophe.

I preferred the sites that put up pages of comments from readers describing how they masturbate, to actually demonstrate how “everyone is different”.

Some really went for it and had pages and pages of the stuff – everything possible. Wanking with frozen sausages and the lot.  And forums were good for finding out other people’s experiences, even non sex forums will probably have topics about it, because there’s nothing else to discuss on the internet apart from religion, political correctness gone mad and sex.

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Stroke your clit and think naughty thoughts

In the end I figured out that a combination of stroking my clit and thinking naughty thoughts worked well. The thinking naughty thoughts part of wanking often gets overlooked, or simplified. It usually got a brief mention in the stuff I read, after the bubble bath and before the exploring.

There are different types of naughty thoughts though, it’s complicated! And some sexy thoughts are hot enough to get me wet, some are hot enough to make me orgasm, and some are hot enough to give me an amazing orgasm. For a while it was sucking nipples…

Some people find fantasizing difficult. Some find it difficult without a specific person to fantasize about, which is tricky for the single (and cyberfriendless…)

I don’t fantasize about celebrities, or people I know who I know aren’t attracted to me.  Even if they’re hot. My annoying sexuality also made it more tricky for a while too.  I’ve never been able to fantasize about men who I don’t know and interact with, but if I was fantasizing about women, I could just make someone up in my head. Or make up a pair of nipples…

Sexy thoughts sometimes backfired too; if I was too turned on before I even touched myself, my body would fail to orgasm, or have a bad orgasm.

I came easier if I started stroking my clit before I started thinking about anything particularly sexy. That idea would certainly never make it into a magazine, even if it involved every forest scented candle in Ikea.

I got good at giving myself orgasms within a few months of first figuring things out, even if I was unoriginal in my thoughts and techniques for a while.

And then about a year ago I got really, really good. Multiples, long orgasms, ones that started within seconds of touching my clit and ones just from playing with my hymen all started to happen.

Knowing how to get an orgasm as a woman really comes down to your mental state of mind. I started to orgasm at will when I became okay about my sexuality.  There wasn’t any bubble baths or pine involved.

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